3 simple tips to get started

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On the eve of my 30th birthday, on the verge of professional and sentimental exhaustion, I ended up letting everything go. A new life was opening up to me. But what do we really mean by “letting go”? And how to? I give you in this article my definition of this state that we call “letting go” with 3 simple tips to finally get started. This sharing is the fruit of my 20 years of meditation practice and my personal and professional life experience.

It is quite common these days to hear a friend or colleague say “Let go, it will get better” or “you have to know how to let go in life”. If you are in this case, you are certainly saying to yourself: “Easier said than done! “. Is not it ? Even if those around you send you these tips with the intention of helping you, it has the opposite effect. You may even feel even more inner pressure, from the very fact of not achieving this state of well-being. Thus, you feel the interest of following such an approach but you do not know how to go about it in a simple way.

First, let’s be clear about what we mean by “letting go”. The major error is to believe that it consists in abandoning everything (a bit like I let suppose in the introduction). I see more and more people going to the other side of the world, abandoning family, job, home… thinking that they will succeed in finding happiness, blah blah. Of course, sometimes it works and even very well. But most of the time, these people find themselves lost with themselves and facing themselves. And the pain is there again. Imagine what your life would be like if you spent your time abandoning all the projects you undertake on the grounds that you have to let go. That wouldn’t make any sense, would it? And would generate a lot of frustration.

I share this with you because I have experienced it. I was under the illusion that the change in my life circumstances (place, companion, job) would make me happier. And then over time, the problems I encountered in the past reappeared in other forms. I’ll give you an example: I suffered from exhaustion at work and the same phenomenon occurred with the new job I had chosen. Why ? Because I hadn’t solved the problem at the source, that is to say looked inside myself at what I could modify in my functioning to be more relaxed. I let you imagine the disappointment. So it was time to stop waiting for the world to turn out the way I wanted and to truly become a part of it.

So what is letting go?

It is an inner state in which you no longer have expectations. This assumes that you initially had hope and have ceased to have it. I really like what author Mandy Hale says about this: Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to do it. Thus, letting go consists in ceasing to wait for happiness to come to us from others and from circumstances, but to become its actor. And if you want to understand the subject even better, I invite you to discover or reread my latest article: The secret to being happy at all times.

Before sharing 3 tips with you to begin to experience letting go, I would like to confirm a point of vigilance. In my opinion, letting go does not depend on your choice to keep or leave a situation… Letting go is a state that is experienced from within. It is only once you are in letting go that your decision follows by itself (to continue or to change the situation). But you will no longer expect it to make you happy, because happiness will be operating within you.

So, here is the first tip for letting go and which is not the least:

1st tip – Be firm on needs, flexible on strategies

As we saw above, letting go is not stopping taking care of yourself. It is even PRIMORDIAL to keep this habit. This leads me to share with you this tip that struck me when I was just starting out in NonViolent Communication (NVC): Be firm about your needs and flexible about your strategies. By doing so, you no longer condition your happiness on the goodwill of the other or on circumstances. Conversely, you find the potential to be happy.

Let’s take a light example to illustrate. Imagine that you learn that your train is canceled due to breakdown. Two possibilities :1- You do not let go: worried about missing this appointment that you have been waiting for so long with a long-time friend, you curse the reception staff, become red with anger and demand that the train be put back into service, when we keep telling you that it is impossible.2- You let go: you want to experience this moment of sharing with your friend and look for an alternative (carpooling, bus station, taxi, etc.) until you find the solution that suits you best given these new circumstances.

So keep your mind always open to other strategies to meet your needs; it is a fundamental point of letting go.

2nd tip – The 4R technique

This technique, again inspired by CNV, aims to detach oneself from emotional automatisms and regain one’s centering. Let’s say someone had a word that you’re upset about.

Step 1 – Slow downFirst, start by reducing the pace of what you are doing. If necessary, stop. This slows the heart rate and improves your ability to cool down.

Step 2 – BreatheThen take the time to breathe deeply. Your brain is thus oxygenated more and allows you to see the situation more clearly, to be less parasitized by the interpretations returned by your emotions.

Step 3 – ReformulateThen, a good technique to save time before answering and to continue to come to your senses is to simply repeat what the other person has just said. This has the added benefit that he feels listened to and thus more open to hearing your response.

Step 4 – RespondFinally, now that you have regained your center and your spirit, you can avoid being in the reaction and express your answer in your full expression.

3rd tip – Practice observing without judging

The last tip is a daily practice that I invite you to do every morning, for 5 minutes: Remember a judgment you had recently and practice describing only the facts. And then feel the difference it makes in your body and your heart.

Example – “What a slacker! would turn into “he sat down on the couch and opened a magazine.”

This exercise will allow you not to be hyper activated by situations, but to perceive life with more objectivity and peace. I will end with this quote from the famous sage Krishnamurti which inspires me a lot: The highest form of human intelligence is to observe without evaluating.

And I’ll give you an appointment for a next article shortly. In the meantime, follow the path of authentic happiness and thus contribute to a more peaceful world.

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