For or against positive education?

For or against positive education? A debate relaunched by the highly publicized Caroline Goldman, doctor of child psychology, who believes that it hinders the construction of children. Let’s take this approach to family relationships through scrutiny with two psychology experts.

Caroline Goldman criticizes positive education

Clinical psychologist and incidentally daughter of Jean-Jacques Goldman, Caroline Goldman has been making quite special music heard for several months. The 40-year-old considers that positive or benevolent education, which favors the development of the essential socio-emotional skills of juniors, and is based on the notion of encouragement and collaboration with them, is not beneficial for children. . Said the one who is also the creator of a popular podcast and the author of Go to your roombenevolent upbringing leads them, when applied exclusively, to lack ” structure “. She will encourage children to be in a form of dangerous omnipotence, narcissism and inability to take frustration.

True to her mantra, Caroline Goldman was also one of the signatories of a collective forum, published in the Figaro in October 2022. She deplored the excesses of this educational approach. And protested against the fact that a representative of the Council of Europe asked that we advise against the “time out », practice which consists in putting a child in his room to punish him. ”  Giving the child time to calm down alone is not abuse, it is allowing him to grow“explained this text which also said that” society today, on the contrary tends to blame and judge any parent who educates his child “.

Are his views on education shared in his profession? How do specialists view this type of theory? MAFAMILLEZEN interviewed for you two experts who share their opinion on positive education.

Learn to verbalize your emotions and to respect each other

For Johanna Rozemblum, clinical psychologist, communication and verbalization of one’s emotions are essential in education. Benevolence, yes, but within a framework.

“Raising your hand or using verbal or physical violence should no longer exist. At this stage, we have already cut the power somewhere, we are in failure. As for putting the child in his room when the parent is exasperated, it can breathe life, allow everyone to raise awareness, to engage in reflection. But that shouldn’t be seen as a sanction, rather as an airlock of a few minutes which also allows us to come back down. It is interactive and the approach must be mutual.

More generally, the parent must leave his hierarchical position. There is not on one side him, who knows and who will annihilate the child’s anger with punishment, and the latter who must submit. Because neuroscience has shown what effect this type of behavior could have on the structuring of his brain.

I also recommend that parents get used to verbalizing their emotions. It’s not taboo. Because by formulating them, they accept them, inform those around them who can adapt to them. It moves the lines and it is a very good example for children.

On the other hand, what should not be questioned is the firmness, which is not a renunciation of benevolence. The child must respect the adult and the family environment.

Break the parent-child power relationship

For Jean-Pierre Thiellandeducational psychologist, an education can only be benevolent, understanding, trust and respect being essential to grow well.

“For me, positive education is support and respect for the affective and emotional needs of the child. This breaks the balance of power between parent and child. Because we must not believe that a child who cries or gets angry is trying to take power. On the contrary, he shows you his confidence, because he knows that he has the framework to express his emotions. When we don’t have this possibility, we become incapable of understanding what other people are feeling. We also know today that neural connections are very dependent on the context in which children grow up. Gold, by adopting this attitude of understanding, we offer them a secure base.

This does not imply that children have no brakes, because we must not forget that we adults also have our own limits! Must thereforeshow your emotions clearly and do not seek to convey a model of perfection. It’s all the more sterile because they understand the distortion between what we say we are and what they perceive of us. The reading grid is therefore distorted!

So, even if some advocate a rollback, I think we must abandon this model of ageist domination that does not produce anything good“.

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