How to make peace with your children

February 05, 2023

Making peace with your child is one way to teach him to resolve conflict respectfully and peacefully.

Last update : February 05, 2023

Arguments or fights are normal in any relationship. Sometimes it’s the result of a bad day or because we disagree on decisions. The important thing is to be able take these differences as a learning opportunity. Therefore, if you have had an argument, below are some keys to making peace with your children.

Fights and arguments with children

As in all relationships, arguing shouldn’t be a symptom of something complex. At certain stages, you are expected to argue with your children because the search for autonomy and their own identity leads them to become firmer in their decisions and their own tastes.

However, the calm must return after the storm. Learning to apologize is a skill that has to do with emotional intelligence and empathy.

Benefits of reconciling with your child

Additionally, making peace with your children has benefits such as:

  • This strengthens the relationship by accepting that there may be a misunderstanding; nevertheless, the affection is more powerful.

  • It helps to think on our actions.

  • Making peace makes us more real and less perfect inside providing opportunities for learning and improvement.

  • This allows easily find other ways to resolveConflicts.

  • It helps in living together and nonviolence.

  • Reconciling you allows you to move forward with more positive emotions and feelings. In addition, it frees us from the discomfort generated by the anger towards others.

  • This passes valuessuch as respect and the consideration of others.

Keys to making peace with your children

Here are some of the keys you can consider to make peace with your children:

Put your pride aside and get closer

You may be right, but at first it’s better not to think about it. The important thing is to have the possibility of preserving the bond with your child. In this sense, express how this argument makes you feel.

Validate emotions

It is important to validate both your child’s emotions and your own. Ask him how he’s feeling, accept his answer, and show empathy. Also, avoid minimizing how he feels with phrases such as “it’s not that bad” or “you need to be stronger”, among others.

Talk about the current conflict

In each case, it is best to focus on the conflict you are trying to resolve and avoid referring to other past situations.

Learn to behave more appropriately

For example, if your child yelled or threw a toy, it’s important to point out that this is the wrong thing to do. Once the situation has calmed down, you have to explain to him how to learn to control himself.

In case he is small and still does not know how to manage his emotions, you can help him. For example, you can teach him breathing exercises and tell him to inflate and deflate like a balloon. These “emotional support” tools can be built with your child by teaching him to think about what he needs and wants when he feels bad or angry.

be an example

Think about your behavior. How did you act? What could you improve? What aspects were you good at? If you yell at your child, you teach him that this attitude is valid as a method of resolving conflicts. If you have acted excessively, we recommend that you admit your fault, explain that the situation has passed you by and talk about how you felt. In this sense, adults must be able to accept their mistakes.

If the dispute was very lively, it should take some time and distance to be able to “cool down” the situation. Of course, it is important to consider the age of your child. For example, if you walk away from your 2-year-old, he might think you don’t love him anymore and feel really bad about it. Instead, with a teenager, this technique is more appropriate.

Choose the strategy but always taking into account who you have in front of you. Bet on what you know about your child.

Avoid blame or manipulation

When you make peace with your child, choose your words and strategies very well. Blaming him, pressuring him to solve the problem without giving him the time he needs, or playing the victim are not the most appropriate paths. On the contrary, it is synonymous withinvalidation and lack of respect for the emotions of others, with the absence of sincere apologies.

Reassure the link

Finally, the foundation of a secure attachment is reassuring your child that no matter what, the relationship is what matters. This means that at-beyond the fact that you think differently and that mistakes can be made, you are open to dialogue and understanding. In this sense, you can also think about how to improve the actions of both in a future argument and establish agreements on how to manage each other.

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