The magic recipe for true love

January 04, 2023

Indeed, to go further in our knowledge of the different types of relationships, there is a rigorous and very interesting theory called "the triangular theory of love" published in 1986 by psychologist Robert Sternberg and professor at Yale University . According to Sternberg, for a romantic relationship to be successful (deep) it must contain the following three components:

  • commitment

  • passion

  • intimacy

However, according to this theory, a romantic relationship can be defined by one of seven categories, resulting from the possible combinations between these three components whose intensity is variable. These different forms of love are illustrated using a triangle where the three vertices represent the three basic entities.

The 7 forms of love according to Sternberg:

  1. friendship or affection : when there is only intimacy between the two people and is often present with people of the same sex. In fact, it is rarer when there is the possibility of including passion (sexuality). Sternberg evokes a form of love close to true friendship, or the doctor/patient relationship.

  2. empty love : if there is only commitment, it speaks of partnership or empty love as in arranged marriages or in long-standing relationships where partners no longer strive to communicate or when routine s has been established for a long time.

  3. Love shock or passionate love : when there is only passion between the two partners, therefore no intimacy or commitment. It's the quick thunderbolt, which usually fades just as quickly.

  4. romantic love: true romantic love would be one formed of passion and intimacy (but without necessarily being commitment) and is typical of the beginnings of relationships. Partners are in discovery mode.

  5. companionship love : the complicity or the love of companionship is made of intimacy and commitment, often encountered among people who have been in a relationship for several years when the passion has diminished and gives way instead to daily complicity.

  6. Crazy Love : or admiring love would arise when there is passion and a commitment, but without having really developed intimacy, when the commitment is motivated by passion alone. This is what usually happens in quick marriages before having been able to validate if there is really compatibility.

  7. Consummated love : where perfect love includes the three basic components (intimacy, commitment and passion) at sufficient levels of intensity and would constitute the ideal relationship of love, difficult to obtain and even more difficult to maintain.

To simply summarize:

Intimacy = FriendshipCommitment = Partnership or empty lovePassion = love at first sight (passionate love or love shock)Commitment + Intimacy = Complicity or Companionship LoveIntimacy + Passion = Romantic LovePassion + Commitment = Admiration or mad loveCommitment + Intimacy + Passion = Completed Love / True Love

Are you able to recognize your present relationship and those of the past among these associations?

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