make choices in line with your values

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Do you have trouble making decisions? Do you have the impression that you suffer more from your choices than you really choose them: work in a company that does not respect your values, stay in a couple that no longer works, or keep in contact with toxic people?

These choices, I call them, "by default", unlike the "real" choices: those which are in accordance with your values, your deep needs, which make you alive.

Here are 3 essential aspects of “real” choices:

1. You overcome your fears

Moving to a new country because you value travel, having a life partner who makes you happy but doesn't fit the family criteria, or starting your own business because you want more flexibility in managing your time, can be not obvious choices to make, even if they correspond to your deepest values.

We may think, wrongly, that a real choice, in accordance with our values, should be easy to make, since it responds to what we want the most. Our "real" choices, even carefully considered, are not always easy to take and assume.

We often have to overcome our fears and insecurities (“will I find work in this new country? What if my parents decide to cut ties? Will I have clients?”), because we are heading towards the unknown, … the paradise of our dear saboteurs! These inner saboteurs cause us to doubt with every step taken outside our comfort zone, and can cause us to stagnate for a long time.

Staying in motion, even with small steps, will allow you to free yourself from paralyzing fears. You will come out grown, and with a real sense of accomplishment.

Putting into action: for each choice, write down the values ​​that you will respect (“adventures, meeting, love, sincerity, self-respect” etc.) and the medium and long-term advantages that you will certainly benefit from: speaking English fluently, being fully fulfilled in love or learn more about yourself, be free of your time to spend it with your children. This will give you more clarity and the boost to take your next step.

2. You become the person you want to be

Our culture likes performance and results, hence the great pressure to take absolutely the “best” choice – the most profitable, the most advantageous, the safest choice.

In this culture of “doing”, I suggest you add “being”. We can do many things, but above all we are human “beings” and not human “doings”.

Every choice we make defines who we are and who we become. We build our future with our choices of the present. It is not a question of feeling guilty if the choice made, all in all, does not meet our expectations. It's about learning from our choices, growing, and enriching ourselves as people (“what did I learn about myself through this choice?”). The closer you get to this woman or man you want to be, the more serenity you will gain.

Putting into action:1. Write the portrait of the person you want to become: open, generous, active, dynamic, serene, etc.2. Answer this fundamental question: “what man or woman do I become when I make this choice”? or, “Does this choice bring me closer to the woman or the man I want to become? Example: a bolder, more lively, more spiritual, more zen person.3. See if the choice you make will help you become that person or not.

3. You are 100% responsible for your choices

It is often easier to complain about a situation or a relationship than to find our full responsibility for what is happening: "I am bored at work, the tasks are uninteresting", "my spouse is aggressive”, “my family still considers me a little girl, … at 35 years old! »

Even if we have the impression of suffering, we take this choice to suffer. Yes, it's like the relationship between the executioner and the victim, you need a victim to have… an executioner! We contribute to what happens in our lives, we co-create our reality. This default choice is ours first and foremost. And if we “accept” this situation, it is because we unconsciously find an advantage in it. Ask yourself the question “what is my advantage in accepting these uninteresting tasks, the behavior of my spouse, or that of my family? “It is sometimes easier to complain than to act… because we play “small”, and we stay in our comfort zone.

Putting into action: in this default choice, take responsibility for your actions, and ask yourself the question “what can I change in myself to be good in this work, in these relationships? », « what human quality should I develop to improve my situation? », it can be: meeting my superior to enrich my function by being more pro-active, or even stopping asking my family for money when the coffers are empty, by being more independent.

Conclusion

The real choice requires being fully responsible for our actions, our words, and especially for the person we wish to become in all benevolence. Each choice is an opportunity to learn, to grow. Where our responsibility lies is to choose how we wish to manage our choices: victimize ourselves or grow through each choice. Basically, there are no longer real or false choices, but rather choices that we assume and that we welcome as real pearls of wisdom on our way.

If you wish to have more clarity in a choice to be made in accordance with your values, let's meet in all simplicity by writing to me at [email protected] or by filling out this form.

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